User talk:Judith Hawley
I know a guy who thinks he's God's gift to women. And all the women are hoping the gift is returnable.
Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.
Greed is silly. You come into this world with nothing, and you leave with nothing. Except when you leave, you have to pay taxes on it.
When life seems like an uphill climb, take comfort in the fact that you're mooning everyone behind you.
I have found some of the best reasons ever for remaining at the bottom simply by looking at the men at the top.
"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." (Raymond Hull)
A mistake should not be considered a step backwards, but considered a pause for re-direction.
The story of Adam and Eve made no sense to me. Eve is responsible for the entire decline of humanity because she was tempted by an apple. Don't you think God overreacted just a tad? It's not like Eve ate God's last Oreo.
You know you're getting old when your bank sends you a free calender, one month at a time.
You wanna hear my personal opinion on prostitution? If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. - Erma Bombeck
One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless.
A grown-up is someone who suffers from responsibility.
Sermons and biscuits are improved by shortening.
If your parachute doesn't open up for you, you've obviously jumped to a conclusion.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research.
Sign in a travel agency window: "Please go away."
Hummingbirds have forgotten the words.
People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.
Life is like a doughnut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.
Do you ever have the feeling that you'd need a head start just to finish last?
No one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side of things.
The only real tragedy in a woman's life is that her past is always her lover, and her future is invariably her husband.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. – Unknown
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it." (Laurence J Peter)
Youth is when you blame all your problems on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained. - Edward R. Murrow
The man who laughs at the boss's jokes does not necessarily have a sense of humor, but he certainly has a sense of direction. Stand up to be seen; speak up to be heard; shut up to be appreciated.
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
Treat your friends as you do your pictures and place them in their best light.
"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties." (Doug Larson)
"Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested." - Francis Bacon
If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.
I suppose we should all count our blessings, especially since they're dwindling.
I don't need drugs. I get the same effect, just by standing up fast.
Saw it ... Wanted it ... Had a fit ... Got it!
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
I'm so far behind I think I'm first.
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
The extra mile isn't half as long as all those other miles.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water.
Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless.
Today everyone wants instant gratification, no matter how long it takes. They who are afraid to ask are ashamed of learning.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
You can learn many things from children, like how much patience you have.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a committee.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
In the end, all we have is a bunch of snapshots.
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
Three secrets of success in public speaking are: be sincere, be brief, be seated.
Laughter is an Instant Vacation!
Observation: Most people meet the right one after they've married the wrong one.
An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh.
A mother can touch a whole generation just by loving her own child well.
How come wrong numbers are never busy!
If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly . .very slowly.
Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!
When skeptics see the handwriting on the wall, they claim it's a forgery.
I hope we live to be as old as our jokes
It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill . . . just add a little dirt.
I want to figure out the meaning of life because then I'd be rich.
The best leaders are also good followers. The ability to follow places one in the perfect position to do some timely back- stabbing.
Money won't buy happiness but it will pay for a large staff to study the problem.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say... talk in your sleep.
Marriage is like a horse with a broken leg. You can shoot it, but that still doesn't fix the leg!
You should be kinder to smokers because they don't have long to live.
If you can make 'em laugh, you can make 'em think.
The hardest thing to do is one thing at a time.
Free yourself from the good opinion of others.
I'd rather be poor and generous than rich and cheap.
Right now, as you read this,17 Million Americans are having SEX . . . and you're on the computer!
Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains but not surprising, many re-enlist.
I have two friends who help people with problems. One is a psychiatrist and the other is a bartender.
He who throws mud, loses ground.
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
If a man asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. Learn from the nail, Its head keeps it from going too far.
Secrets are what we tell everybody else not to tell anybody.
I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
When you're trying something new, fewer people who know about it, the better.
A sinner can reform but stupid is forever.
In marriage a warm heart seldom compensates for cold hands.
Late night TV is very educational. You realize you should have gone to bed earlier.
If some people said what they thought, they'd be speechless.
Never mistake asthma for passion.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
The 7 modern sins: politics without principles, pleasures without conscience, wealth without work, knowledge without character, industry without morality, science without humanity, worship without sacrifice. - Canon Frederic Donaldson
"Love may make the world go round, but it's laughter that keeps us from getting dizzy." Donald Zochert
"The solution to adult problems tomorrow depends on large measure upon how our children grow up today." (Margaret Mead)
“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public." (George Jessel)
"Be like a duck, calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath." (Michael Caine)
How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners and instant cameras teach patience to its young?
The dictionary is the only place success comes before work.
Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.
I have a terrible conscience, it doesn't keep me from doing things, it just keeps me from enjoying them.
The control center of your life is your attitude." ~ Norman Cousins
Wisdom comes with age, but keep it to yourself.
Patient to doctor: "I don't need a stress test. I have a wife, three daughters and one bathroom."
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. "Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors." David Brenner
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." -Robert Frost
Just remember -- the mosquito that buzzes the loudest get swatted first.
The surest way to make it hard for your children is to make it soft for them.
A lie may not have a leg to stand on, but it goes places.
